The Leader Of Men

“Hi! In the Social Proof section you mention, that being the leader of men is the second best way to get a high status. Could you explain me more about how to make other men follow you, because I have friends who are very dominant and I find myself often following them… I want to know how to be stronger alpha than the other males with alpha traits in the group. “
Lucas

Good question – it is hard to be a leader of men all the time. The first part is just a “leader”. Make up your mind what you are going to do before the group does and voice your opinion. This is similar to the play analogy. At the end of a presentation, play, or other social event, many times the audience doesn’t know when to clap. Be the kind of man that claps first. Most people won’t do this as they fear failing (or looking like it) in public.

This is also relative when you have crowd dynamics. One person starts liking or disliking something and the crowd just goes along. You have to learn to be the kind of man that can start these dynamics, ignore these dynamics or change these dynamics. And you have to do this while not deferring to another person to make your decision, nor do you want to ignore the non-alpha’s in the group. You want to be the kind of man that listens to all the views, then decides what HE is going to do – regardless of what path everyone else chooses. Someone who sets an example.

For example, I have been at the lake with a large group of people. I knew some of them, but not all of them and there was at least one buddy who was a serious “Alpha” type guy. A man and his girlfriend (that I didn’t know) got into an argument. The girl got mad and slapped the guy – he shoved her back. Several guys started to “white knight” and to move to intervene with this man. I said in a loud voice, “Damn, she is lucky… only a push, I would have knocked her out.” This stopped the crowd dynamic (white knight lynch mob), however now the tension was focused on me with several guys and girls starting to complain about my “hateful” comment. I then just looked at them, moving from each person with direct eye contact and said, “What, don’t you believe in equal rights? Isn’t that what women want? That’s what they say they want, and I completely agree with them. Hit me, and it is coming back “equally”.” Sure, there were a few more comments or mutterings, but that was the end of it.

Another example is with the motorcycle group I ride with. At our largest there may be 70 bikes and 100 people. A typical riding event (like the Triple D – Dinners, Drive-Ins & Dives) may only be 30 bikes and 40 people. A typical Saturday is 15 bikes and 20 people, with a small group of us splitting off at times.

This group is a “MC” – motorcycle club. Everyone who rides with the group is a member. Except me. I don’t ride a Harley which is a requirement. When I was asked to join, I told them I would ride anytime I could, but I really don’t need to be a member and I like my bike. Now, I do help with the functions sometimes, and I am more than willing to go along with the group on charity functions or other events. However, if I am riding with the group and they want to go do one dive, and I want to do another, I simply let the crowd know where I am going if anyone wants to ride. 90% of the time some or all do join me.

There are several Alpha’s in this group, and with these guys, I am included in the core decisions, and respected when I decide to go my own way. I don’t try to persuade people into going where I want, I simply make a plan and go – with the invite to all to join.

It is this strength to do whatever I want, to not get wrapped up in gossip or petty group “who wants to do what” that sets me apart as a leader. The group, and especially the “Alpha’s” of the group enjoy my straightforward, yet still charming approach. I never try to “take control” of the group, I just decide what I am going to do, and the energy this brings to a ride is why I do tend to lead.

If you are a confident and charming/fun guy (meaning people like having you around) and you still make your own decisions, with or without the groups approval, you will find many people will start following. It is never about taking power, it is about displaying strength of character and a sense of purpose – even if that purpose is just to have fun at whatever bar you are riding to.

As a side note – this strength is easily seen and felt by women. It is a display of high value when the group, or even a few of the group join you. It is still a display of high value when you just decide to go it alone (with no negative energy – that is the key – you have to do it because it is what you want, not what you think will look best or because your feelings are hurt). If you think about group dynamics, very few people have the strength to maintain a fun and positive energy while not going along with the “herd”.

Home this makes sense.

Most Sincerely,

AlphaX