Online Dating is Low Risk But Low Reward

Hey Alpha,

I am just a little confused, any help would be great. Thanks.
K.

Great Question K.
I have done the online dating thing for a while. Currently I have a couple of profiles up with me and my girl looking for threesomes with other hot young women. With those, more men write wanting to bang my girlfriend than girls even though the ad is posted in a M4W, MW4W or “Men seeking Women” areas of several sites. This means men are looking at other men’s or couples profiles then emailing asking to be with the girl I am with. Can the world get any more desperate?

Now, let me be clear – with my age and looks my pictures alone don’t typically pull girls in the 18-25 age group that are hot. I have to be one charming, challenging and Alpha man to make this work. I also believe that online dating is a low risk, low reward venue and it is stacked against the man. It takes no effort to rip off 200 emails all saying the same thing… it also doesn’t produce very good results. If you haven’t seen it, there was a great study on how men vs. women are treated in online dating. My experience says this is the truth.

As you would expect, men rarely get contacted, women get contacted all the damn time. No matter how great you are she has to weed through hundreds of emails to even see yours. Getting her to your profile is better than most men get, but if it says the same thing all the others do, she isn’t going to respond. Your value is how you make her feel, so you have to use something to increase her attraction, challenge her, or make her very curious.

I believe going to the mall/bar/restaurant/any public place is much more rewarding way to meet girls if you truly have the “I am the prize” vibe and can talk to anyone. But for those who want to have this in their bag of tricks keep these points in mind:

1. Keep your profile and emails short. Men with options don’t spend a lot of time online. Watch people at work or those in your group. Bosses and CEO’s write short emails. Same as your “Alpha” friends.

2. Write from a self-entitled (“I am the prize”) type of energy. My profiles now always includes the “I only date bi-sexual women”. This type of comment speaks loud and clear I have high standards and I am ok with you not liking me. It also removes all of the “I have a kid and need a man” type women. They rarely email me.

3. Cocky & funny. The more you are willing to push the non-politically correct boundary with a charming attitude the better you will do.

4. Qualifying & challenging the girl. I rarely spend anytime qualifying myself or even trying to demonstrate higher value and prefer to focus the energy on “this is what I am looking for” and “do you fit?”. I already assume I qualify and have high value.

5. Subtle “negative compliments”. Playful lines that can either be a compliment or a putdown work wonders online. I don’t want her to immediately feel if we do or don’t approve of her.

With that, I am going to tell you 3 strategies that have worked well for me.

Only Looking For X (Pick A Trait)

While I am in a relationship with a hot bisexual girl this is all I use however, this type of profile still works well if you are single. In this type of profile you focus on exactly what you are looking for. The majority of this advertisement is a qualification. For example, in my “looking for bisexual girl ads: “We are only looking for girls 18-25, hair at least to the middle of your back, no one larger than size 4 who also has a feminine yet kinky side. Have you ever used a strap-on? Red heads move to the front of the line.”

This is all about what I want.

You could do the same thing and just pick a different trait you want – long hair, blue eyes, bigger than a c-cup, weigh less than 90 lbs., whatever. Some girls that don’t exactly qualify will still email you. This allows you to play with them, and if you choose, let them win you.

Having 3-5 pics with you and your hot girlfriend displays plenty of Preselction and Social Proof, while stating what you are looking for without trying to qualify yourself screams “Alpha”. Basically, I expect most girls to not qualify or respond anyway and I don’t want to waste my time. This has a tendency to pull girls that do meet all of the qualifications or are really close to what I want.

Over The Top Profile

A few years ago I set up an online profile that was pure gold. It was a collection several pictures of me with attractive women or doing incredibly fun stuff: Scuba diving, riding my motorcycle, etc. But I wasn’t looking for a “date” in the profile, I was looking for “marriage”. I used it as a test, but it worked so well I kept it for awhile.

Headline: Seeking 99 Year Old Billionaire
Body: I am an in shape, adventurous and successful man seeking a 70-99 year old billionaire (or multi-millionaire) that would like to spend the last 6 months of her life in HEAVEN. I know how to make a woman’s toes curl and I will make sure your last days will be the best of your life. For you I will open doors, pullout your chair and pick wildflowers – as well as cover your ass with grass stains and push your ankles to the headboard. All I ask is you include me in your will for half of your estate. Drop me an email right now and let’s get those lawyers drawing up our paperwork.

That’s basically what I posted. And it went viral. I had hundreds of girls that emailed me what a “dick” I was. I also had the same amount of girls email telling me “that was the funniest thing ever”. I ended up sleeping with many girls from that one profile.

My point here is I don’t focus on qualifying myself or talking about how great I am (to my target – I obviously qualified myself to the 99 year old billionaire – and no, she never wrote me!). How great I am is assumed, and everything I write is charming, but also qualifying to the girl. It is a challenge so to speak, and so many guys don’t do this, it works amazingly if you can get the right energy behind it.

How You Respond

You mentioned “I know I should ask open ended questions and keep the conversation on her. I also try not to bore them by being cocky and funny.” Being cocky and funny is great, but understand, you have NO VALUE as a profile online – she doesn’t see you as real yet. I can make a girl feel more attraction with 30 seconds of eye contact than I can with a week of writing. For online dating, I don’t recommend asking many questions at all. Typically I find something to challenge her on.

Most women with an online dating profile will write a list of things they love: I love listening to X music… I love being outside, rain or shine… I have a hard time finding quality people so I thought I would give this a shot… whatever.

Keep in mind, I either have the bisexual type profile, or the over the top qualification type profile. My opening email will be something fun yet challenging and will likely include a “neg”. The headlines are typically “Open Loops” that draw the reader in.

Her: I love listening to X music…. You: Headline: You are going to hate me… Body: You almost had me interested till you said X music… that just seems so conservative anymore…

Her: I love being outside, rain or shine… You: Headline: Did you really mean… Body: You love being in the rain? The rest of your profile makes you seem so modest…

Her: I have a hard time finding quality people so I thought I would give this a shot… You: Headline: Are you kidding? Body: You thought you would find high quality people online? Being naive can be a cute… sometimes…

Get the ideal? These types of observations with a subtle neg will have the girl trying to explain what she meant and why she said it. I don’t really care what her explanation is in the response, if I want to meet her I am going to “reward” her with passing my qualifications later.

While I write these types of response I am having fun but the reader doesn’t yet know if I am teasing or if I am serious about my observations. Oh how I do love a subtle neg. I am usually happy in my energy and I have no expectations of a response, but I know that a girl not knowing if you insulted or complimented her will draw her in. Especially with every other dumbass asking her “hey, what’s up” or saying “you looked so pretty I just had to write”. Keep in mind my for every girl I think is hot online there is a fake guy/girl trying to scam you. Every day or two I get a wink or email trying to get me on a different site or get my email.

When a real girl (you will figure out how to weed out the scammers fairly quick) responds, which is usually her qualifying why she is “perfect” and then trying to qualify you, you simply wait a few days to email her back. All she has is her mind and the perceptions about your life and what you are like to judge you by. If you email right back it says “I have no life”. Emailing back a few days later (without the sorry this took so long) says I am a man with options.

When she does write back congratulate her on passing your test. Tell her you hoped she was that smart/intuitive/bright/in touch, whatever then include “that is good… sometimes”. This is another ambiguous compliment neg. Somewhere on her profile she will tell you she is one of those, use her words. Then tell her it’s time to move to text message. I send my number with a little challenge like, “if another girl answers make sure you hang up”. Many will wait a few days and text you “Remember me”. Even if you have no other girls in your life you don’t remember her till she tells your her name from the site.

Think Outside of the Box

“But, I don’t have a bisexual girlfriend so none of this will work for me.”

Limiting belief and wrong. Simply focus on emailing bisexual or lesbian women. There is nothing wrong with striking up an email conversation with several different bisexual or lesbian girls and after going through all of this tell them you and your “girl” would like to meet them to see if you all have chemistry. Then invite all of the girls to a “family friendly” location (I loved the patio bar) to meet at the same time. I learned to do this for my first threesome and have used it when I was between girls. It works.

Think of online dating just like marketing. Your profile is only there to increase her curiosity about you. The headline to your email is only to draw her into opening the email. The body of your email is to challenge her and get her to qualify herself to you. Second email is about moving to text/phone. Once you get to text messages you just use the system you learned here.

Do not seem eager or like you care too much. Inviting a girl to meet you for a drink at X place at Y time should seem like an afterthought, not like your primary source of fun.

Online dating is Low Risk, Low Reward. Feel free to use it in your bag of tricks, but this shouldn’t be your primary plan of action. 30 seconds of meeting a girl face-to-face can increase her attraction more than several weeks of emailing or texting.