“Alpha X
My name is [edited]. I am a new member of PIPUBS under the username… [edited]
My story is simple. I was almost 400 pounds married and sick and tired of the beta life I was living. I was giving and giving to my wife and others in my relationships and not getting what I wanted or deserved. A few months ago, I was hanging out in a cigar lounge that I would go to when my wife was in the mood to let me go without a guilt trip. A friend of mine turned my on to Return of kings and your article on displaying a high value and putting a value of yourself. The article was about asking your woman to do things and in that displaying a high value. The article was masterful. . . and really did change my approach to my wife and my life. I wanted to be an ALPHA MALE because my friends were. But I was raised by a woman not a man and I learned the hard way that I had to put my women on a pedestal and worship them and give them EVERYTHING with a hope that I may get something. I was so unhappy being the beta. I was married made a decent amount of money but still not getting what I wanted. . . which in most cases was the sex.
As I write to you my life has changed for the better. During the late spring I finally decided to display a value of myself and get rid of this weight. After years of struggling I decided to get a Gastric Bypass and I successfully lost well over 100 pounds. As the weight came off I began to read about reframing and displaying a high value and I began to see the success of an Alpha. My wife’s world was shattered and turned upside-down because I ripped the pedestal right from under her and she came crashing down. She is responding to the king and the king is me.
We had a horrible sex life, and it was killing me because it was like I was worshiping her and most times she wouldn’t give in. In the beginning it was awful, but it got better but it was because I found myself begging and praying for her to have mercy on me. After reading your articles, I said to hell with this and began to challenge her. I got the sex I wanted and I got it my way. I have a weird obsession, I like control. Military like control in the bedroom. When we have sex I want two things.
Before we have sex, I want her to execute. I want her to get up and stand before me with her head down. Kind of like I am the king and she is sub servant to the king. or maybe how a Japanese geisha would do it. I don’t know why it turns me on BUT IT DOES and I have decided any women I screw will be doing this. I have been wanting her to do this for YEARS!!! I used to PRAY for this, but it seemed IMPOSSIBLE, I would say to myself, “who are you, to demand this” I didn’t think I deserved it. But after understanding the nature of man and the value I put on my and what I display, I say to myself “This is what she needs to do, because this is what I want. If she doesn’t like it well RULE OF 10,000” When I told her boldly what I wanted she was angry, she said all kinds of things. But. . . she did it, and she continues to do it because she knows this is what I like. She hates it but she does it and I am assuming its because of the high value I display and place on myself. I don’t yell or fuss or bang on walls. I simply told her what I require and she did.
The second thing I like and all of this seems weird I’m sure, but I command my wife to begin and end every sentence with “Daddy” when we’re having sex. Again another strange request but another show of my complete and utter control. This was harder for her to comply with because I didn’t care what she said. When I was inside of her, I want her to begin and end with “Daddy” a good example is if I’m hitting it to hard she can say “Daddy, not so hard Daddy” thus and so. But it must be stated properly.
This has been a bit more difficult, she would do it but not do it right and it would piss me off. She thinks that if I’m inside of her that it is the”end all be all” and I should just take what I get. It was like that when I was a beta, but after some further discussion and me again asserting my dominance she got the picture. and she began to capitulate.
Your articles have been magnificent, so I joined PIPUBS and I am writing because I need a little more advice to go along with the reading I have been doing.
I am wanting my wife to understand that I am the Alpha. I have noticed that she has set certain boundaries in our relationship and I’m curious. By boundaries I mean little rules that she is holding too. For example. I woke up horny but wasn’t ready for sex. She offered me the sex but told me that she had to take a shower. In the past once she got in the shower that was it. my chance for Sex was gone. So, I wanted to see how an Alpha would get sex in this situation, AFTER she got in the shower. Another time is when she would begin to do her makeup. This happened the other day as well. I wasn’t in the mood but when she started to get all dolled up I began to get horny and told her lets do it. She turned me down because she was getting ready. I was so enraged, I wanted to rise up, but I remained cool. In my journal I said I would ask for help from you and this is what I am doing. All of your advice has worked to date but I am wondering what would you have done and what kind of practice do I need to continue doing.
Regardless, you are THE MAN! and your articles and point of view has been the difference. I am striving to be that Alpha male which thanks to you is going quite well.
I am wondering what your advice is here. My goal is to get EVERYTHING I want from her. EVERYTHING and to never ever go back to being that 400 bitch every again in my life. You advice works for all of my relationships it has been an amazing few months.
So I will await your guidance, I am a member and your promise is to get to our inquiries first.
Thanks for your advice.”
Hi [edited],
Thank you for the email. [edited]
I compliment you on taking control of your life and working to improve your attitudes and skills. It is always a challenge to realize that you created what you have. Congratulations on loosing over 100 lbs and keep it up. There is a level on confidence that naturally comes with being fit. I am also glad you are having more success with your wife.
A lot of what you are talking about is the life of a Master of BDSM and expecting submission. Personally, I am not too into the SM part, but I love the bondage & domination part. I also know it is a lot easier to start a relationship the right way, rather than trying to create it after you have taught her so many bad habits (from my personal experience). And no, I am not recommending you divorce her and start over – just be aware and focus more on you leading more and demanding less.
You said, ” My goal is to get EVERYTHING I want from her.” You do this by being the most Alpha man alive. You lead her down this path, you never force. If you try to force submission, you will come off as a needy or controlling man – not exactly attraction building. But lead her. Make it fun for her too. The more masculine you are the more she will enjoy you. An Alpha doesn’t have to take from a female, females want to naturally submit to them. And the females that identify as “submissive” have learned the freedom a masculine man brings to the relationship. The more masculine you are, the safer and freer females will feel with you.
An easy way to start developing habits where she sees you as an Alpha is to roll play with it.
A lot of girls have a “rape fantasy” – that is, a roll play where a stranger comes in and “forces” her to have sex. Since she is your wife, I suggest you build out the fantasy and tell her you want to play. (If she has been raped or is repulsed by it, then use the “Professor tutors student”, or the “Plumber and lonely housewife”, or even the “Pimp and the Hooker” – just pick something you both like and she is at least interested in.) Establish upfront rules – like a safe word. If either of you say this word the play immediately stops. Our safe word is “oranges”, not exactly what you will typically hear during sex. You must both trust each other, so no cheating. Now build out the basic rules, time, place then you can make her submit, not as the Alpha in Training, but as the “roll play” rapist breaking into her house.
Then live it out. Set the time and place, but don’t give her much more detail. Come in late, while it’s dark. Bring a fake plastic knife and live out the fantasy with her. Tie her up. Make her bow her head as you hold the “fake” knife at her throat. Make her call you “Daddy” while you call her slut and whatever else you want. And in all of this, if you build the sexual tension and chemistry, watching her signals you can lead her to submit and cum hard while doing it.
If you have read my sections on Anchors, this is a perfect time to “Anchor” certain feelings she has about being submissive to your Authority. For example, when she is really getting into sex and calling you a “Daddy” while fucking you back and she is about to cum, anchor these feelings in her. You will have to decide what trigger to use, but I like to grab my girl around the throat.
If you make this “fun” and hot for her, then your system of rewards and punishment will be stronger. For example, if I tell my girl not to cum without asking and she can’t hold back, I will not cum or finish her like she likes – I will do something else, or not at all. These are things you will have to sense, but over time she will submit more – and when she doesn’t then she is wanting to role play with you being stronger and having to “punish” her.
Now, outside of the bedroom you must always keep the attraction going up. Build sexual tension, tease her, flirt with her, turn off your “fix it” mind and listen to her. The more attracted to you she is, the more she willing be able to naturally submit to your Masculine nature.
As for the morning, shower or while putting on makeup sex – I don’t ask – but I respect “no”. If I wake up in the mood I just roll over and put her into position. As for while she is getting ready – it depends on why she is getting ready, but for the most part I haven’t even tried while she is getting ready. Usually because I am waiting on her or not home.
Now, with my ex-wife, she told me “no” a lot in the beginning and before I learned most of this. I would get mad at the rejection and feel similar to what you wrote: “This has been a bit more difficult, she would do it but not do it right and it would piss me off. She thinks that if I’m inside of her that it is the “end all be all” and I should just take what I get. It was like that when I was a beta, but after some further discussion and me again asserting my dominance she got the picture. and she began to capitulate.”
In truth, you just aren’t amping the sexual tension and your masculine energy enough. When I was with my ex and really learning this, I simply started telling her “no”. As I told her “no” on plain sex – even rejecting sex with her if I felt she was not into it just being compliant – while also increasing my Alpha traits she started pursuing me for sex. Hotter sex and more often. So I encourage you to keep building your masculine side.
I hope this helps. [edited]
“Hi Alpha, 
Thanks for your letter and I appreciate the advice and tips. [edited]
I read your email a few times and I am wondering a thing or two. I have NEVER like(d) roll play, that just isn’t me and I never want to be some controlling, needy husband that gets his jollies from capturing his wife. In short, I have these needs and desires and I have expressed them but I don’t know how to lead her down this path. Roll play in my marriage isn’t fun.
Currently she does do what I ask but you can tell she hates it. In the past, I have said to myself, “i don’t care”. I have developed this belief that I deserve this because of the type of person I am, I am a man of high value. I truly do believe that. But I want to listen to her as well. She is looking for the 400 pound me. . . She wants the sweet 400 pound bitch and I don’t want to be that guy. I killed him. She wants lots of attention and hand holding and all that affectionate stuff but it only got me horny and she wouldn’t give in. “can’t we just do this and not have sex” is what she would say. So I would try to be this loving husband but I would be so god damn horny and then I would get no sex or BAD sex. In my bedroom wall is a wall with a hole in it because we went 6 months without having any sex and I was so angry I punched a hole in a wall. One time, we didn’t have sex and I said “that it” and she gave in and you can tell she was so unhappy, it just killed me. Well if we had enough sex I would do the other stuff. Its like I’m still mad. (Maybe I’m answering my own question)
So how do I make it fun for her without the roll play? I always thought that if she looked at me with the value I possess she would be ENTHUSED to capitulate to my needs, wants and desires. But it seems that I am a little off.
I can tell she’s getting a little jealous because of how I am looking now. I mean, I lost 100 pounds and I am practicing some new looks with my new found shape. I wear ear rings in both ears and I walk with such a swagger its hard to miss me sometimes. I have always had an ability to talk to the ladies and I think now she is seeing this and becoming quite jealous. Which I like. Is leading her now spelling out what I like and not demanding but letting her know in no uncertain terms that these are my expectations? Is this the framing and anchoring that I have been reading?
I wanted to let you know an approach I used to a young woman a few weeks ago. I was in a mall and saw her. She wasn’t the refined type I like but it gave me a chance to work on my approach. I was in an Apple Store and I saw her. She was young and attractive but not really my type. (I like large breast and I like them quiet but with a sense of style) but she was pretty enough to know before she would have been out of my league. She walked in to the store and she had this attitude but I decided to step to her. I looked her up and down and then made my approach. I walked like a God and said to her “You either have a boy friend that works here or something is wrong because you look miserable” She was caught a bit off guard, so I quietly walked a little closer and said I understand that this is not a place for women its generally a place for geeks (which I am) she began to talk to me about her phone not working and we talked for a minute or two. I could have pushed her and gotten a number but I’m married and not that type of cat. But it felt GOOD to know that I could approach a women and not be scared to death. I was smooth, and I began to understand the whole “game” thing. I mean if I want, I could pull some ladies.
Your articles have been a God send. I read the “Why I am an Asshole” article and it reminds me of two friends of mine. One who is just like you and the women FLOCK to him because he is an ass hole. The other friend is kind of a loser and settled for someone that gives him the pussy in a rationed way and then ABUSES him. (honestly its hard to watch).
I have always been a nice guy thinking that the nicer I have been the more sex and success it will give me, it just made me more bitter and more fat.
You should have seen the times early in our relationship and marriage when I was really wanting sex and not getting it. One time, I wrote her this note saying how much I loved her and was in her corner and all that shit hoping to get some pity sex or something. When I came home she made this joke that, “You still ain’t getting any!” I was so angry I could have screamed. You see, I grew up in an evangelical home raised by a mother and a grandmother and they were HUGE on me not having sex before marriage and becoming this slave to women; providing for them and all that crap and not getting anything from them and for YEARS until your articles I thought that was what a man was suppose to be. The last straw was a few months ago after my surgery, my mother my wife and I are in the car and my my wife THANKED my mother for raising such a caring, gentle man. My mother was so proud, and I was sick to my stomach. It was kind of a head game.
I met my wife, we earnestly fell in love but sex has been a night mare. You don’t know what its like for two virgins to consummate a marriage and she just can’t. Sex wasn’t natural for her, her mind didn’t go there. So here I am a chump that decided to GET MARRIED to have sex. So there I was locked in a sexless marriage. Oh god the endless tale of porn and rampant masturbation was just so embarrassing and unnecessary, I didn’t place the value on myself.My the fights went on. 18 years later we are ok, its like she resigned to be with me she needs to have regular sex with me. But she’s not happy about it. Its not fun or hot for her. Its a duty. . . and though in the beginning I was “ok” with that, I am not now. As you point out time and time again, a man wants to be wanted, chased and desired. It just doesn’t seem to work with my wife. Its like she already “got me”
I see know, I should have been the alpha and lead her down a path that could have worked. Counseling didn’t work, prayer didn’t work (much) but it seems now this attitude of being an asshole and placing these expectation is working. But it was the High value of yourself articles that did the trick. In the end it was like the end of Ferris Buellers day off. When Ferris’s best friend went into a catatonic state, Ferris told the audience “He will marry the first girl he lays, and she will treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he always wanted. You can’t respect someone that kisses your ass” in essence, that is what happened to me.
So, are there other ways to lead beside role play? What article of yours do I need to go back and re-read?
I appreciate your articles and your responses in this area.
Hey Brother,
I have thought about this for several days. First, let me congratulate you. When you wrote this, “I have said to myself, “I don’t care”. I have developed this belief that I deserve this because of the type of person I am, I am a man of high value. I truly do believe that.” I was proud of you. This is a hard belief for most men to develop, but I believe it is the foundation that Alpha (or seducer, Pick Up Artist, Natural, MAN) is built upon.
Second, take my advice with a grain of salt. I do not claim to be a marriage counselor, though I believe my advice would be more spot on (yes, I have been). My primary mission is to teach men exactly how to get laid. My secondary objective is to save men from making the mistakes I have made and to set their minds free.
I have been married twice (to the same girl), first time she left me, second time she hit the nuclear war button. That was withholding sex to get what she wanted. To me that was a no win situation. If I cave, I lose respect in her eyes (and that is part of what keeps a woman sexual with you), and if I don’t cave, I still lose respect for putting up with her not even sleeping in the same room with me (there is a lot more to the story of course).
The path I took was to ramp up my flirting with other women in front of her. This did get her jealous. I then slept with a hot little 19 year old (ok I ravaged her several times). I was staying out late, not coming home, and basically acting like I didn’t care.
After a month of this, with her planning to leave, she wants to talk. She was jealous and hurt. She had heard about the girl and was upset. But she did offer to work it out. The thing was, it came with even more conditions, and after everything we had been through, I decided to just let it takes it course. The good thing was it was my choice.
I tell you this because there are basic actions you can take that will lead your woman into desiring you more, which means she will do what you want more and she will enjoy it more.
Keep learning to amp your masculine side while building sexual tension with her. If you haven’t read my short book on Challenge, do so and start implementing this into your life.
When you are out, start flirting with girls a little more. You have been married for a while, so start slow and build. If you just come out like a raging bull she will get very angry. What you really want is to have her “preselection” and jealousy sections of her brain to slowly start tingling (like she is waking up to the fact you are a desirable man).
Keep working out, working on your attitude and continue with instructing her to do what you like.
If she isn’t that eager when she gives it up to you, then take her however you want. Ravage her. But do it for you, not for her.
One other thing I want to point out. I do not know your wife, and I am speaking from experience in the realm of women I have met. You wrote “Sex wasn’t natural for her…” and I don’t believe this for a second. Sex is the one thing that comes hard wired in both sexes minds. She may have had experiences that made it “taboo” or dirty, but it was natural. I want you to reframe that out of your thinking. It is a limiting belief, and one that may subconsciously influence how she feels about sex with you.
I say this because I have met girls that were described as “dead fish” – that is to say the only laid there. Or they always pulled away from sex – it was just too dirty. In my 20’s I have experienced the same thing. What I learned was it was my fault – how I gently treated them, or how I didn’t inspire their sexual attention. Later in life, after I learned a lot about becoming Alpha, I could lead that “dead fish” or wall flower to the peak of sexual pleasure, all while dominating her. I never took, I simply lead them to surrender. A woman is like a mirror, and she will reflect back the energy you have about yourself. The sweetest words I have ever heard are not “I love you.” They are “I just can’t resist you.”
Lastly, really focus on the http://www.pipubs.com/nlp-calibration/ section. If you really dive into this, it will help you “see” how your wife is following your interactions (is she being drawn near or pushed away). This will really help in building that intuitive part of your personality so that you just know what to do. When it is time to pull, or push, you will just feel how to lead her.
Best Wishes,
AlphaX
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2 Readers Commented
Join discussionAlphaX,
What is your advice for handling the Alpha female? As men we have numerous amounts of women to choose from with variations that are endless, but some women are easier to dominate and others are naturally prone to having a dominate personality as well, they are fun to challenge and are very rewarding when captured.
However, I wanted to get your philosophy in this particular area. Let me try to be more specific, for example lets say that you are pursuing a young woman who is an obvious alpha female; she doesn’t just stick out of the crowds with her looks but with the way she carries herself and projects out to the world around her. How would you handle these women and are you more inclined to target these types or do you focus on easier prey? It seems natural for me to want an alpha female being an alpha male, but I wonder what the consequences could be for two powerful dominant people to exist together. Will they be constantly fighting for power position or will they thrive with threatening ambition?
By the way I have a 22 yr. old girlfriend and I am 24, she isn’t quite alpha female material but is very gorgeous and talented. I am asking from a position of curiosity, I have two sets of parents that divorced over this issue. The first marriage lasted for 8 years and they both fell apart and crumbled over their personalities. They should have never been together but she was young and he was the dominant one of the relationship, she grew older had a few kids and they both realized that they would always clash if they didn’t divorce. They were both strong minded people who I would call alphas. They both remarried and my father found his serving housewife and so did my mother, he seriously does anything she says.
You can see why I am so curious. They lasted long enough for her to realize she wasn’t about that house wife shit, and then they rearranged accordingly. Both found what they could couple with in the end but it proved the idea of two alphas may not be the best idea. Tell me what you think.
By the way, great site and advice, you seem to have accumulated copious amounts of hardships and growth from those hardships in life. I admire that in people.
James
Great comment and discussion. Let’s take a look at Handling the Alpha Female