How Do Girls Attract A Dominant Man? – UPDATED

A female reader writes in with this interesting question about Dominant Men:

“I was wondering if this is the right email to ask, alphax, a question? I was researching websites on how men dominate women because Im studying psychology in college and want to know how dominant men think. I don’t meet a lot of those but the ones I do make an impression and regardless if good or bad, its definitely lasting. “

“So my question is what attracts dominant men in girls? Based on some of your articles I read and the pics you have on you p.I. Pubs website its generally the young hot ones that attracts the dom’s attention. Is that all there is to it? “

“Also is it the girl’s fault generally if she attracts the betas? Like her character? Is it opposites attract kind of thing? Like sweet and sensitive gets strong and masculine? “

Hi Natalie,

Interesting questions. I will try to be brief, but we could write a book on this topic.

“So my question is what attracts dominant men in girls? Based on some of your articles I read and the pics you have on you p.I. Pubs website its generally the young hot ones that attracts the dom’s attention. Is that all there is to it?”

No, there is always more to it. You being a psychology student should know all humans are very complex. From a statistical point of view, humans behave on some set and familiar patterns – however, there are ALWAYS outliers. That is part of the old “nature vs. nurture” argument on why some people pick different paths even with similar physical choices.

First, let us clear up some terminology…

Some “dom’s” who like to dominate women are not very Alpha. They may know what they like sexually, and they may attract a woman who also likes to be dominated in bed by a Master, but that doesn’t make them Alpha.

A dominant man may also not be a “dom” in the sense of role playing with restraints, whips, toys and the rituals with his sexual partner, but he still may dominate in bed and the relationship.

A Dom is a sexual role in an established relationship.

A dominant man is a man who clearly decides what he will and will not do and exercises these choices with little to no displayed fear. He is fully aware that his choice may not keep people in his life happy, but he makes his choice based on what he believes is best for him and his life.

An Alpha man is a dominant man who also has learned to communicate high sexual value to women and can have a larger choice of the more attractive women in a set environment. This is isn’t just dominance but a spirit that also inspires and challenges women.

Dominance is not very fluid, though it is controlled. Alpha is a bit more fluid since it is somewhat a matter of perception. The rock star on stage with 1000’s of girls throwing panties at him is going to seem a lot more Alpha than I am sitting at his concert. However, put me and this guy at a neutral party or bar setting, and I may still end up being the bigger Alpha as noted by social standing and quality of women attracted.

I have seen a rather dominant man on “Maury” clip that had 6 children by 3 women. This man told the women how he was going to live and they went along with it. He had 3 children with his wife, 2 with her friend, 1 with his girlfriend. In all accounts he had harem. None of these women said they liked the fact they shared him, but like it or not, they all did share.

What kept this man from being classified as an Alpha in my mind was the quality of the women. The smallest was at least 260 pounds and double the size of any woman I have ever been with. The largest was a beast that had to be well over 300. Being dominant with a bunch of women that the average man wouldn’t touch doesn’t portray a sexually desired Alpha by most of societies standards. The guy who can’t even land a woman that looks like this may look up to this guy, but every other man with even a normal ability to date will look down on him.

In mainstream media we would never say this – it’s not polite and might hurt someones feeling. It also won’t sell much advertising. It is, however, the truth. And on a subconscious level we all know it.

So what attracts a man to a specific girl?

My firm belief is men evolved to look for very specific visual cues as to the health (desirability) of a woman. This has been found to be true across multiple languages, cultures, locations, etc. Basically, men respond to the same physical features in a fertile woman.

“Evolutionary psychology suggests that a woman’s sexual attractiveness is based on cues of health and reproductive potential. In recent years, research has focused on the ratio of the width of the waist to the width of the hips (the waist-to-hip ratio (WHR)). A lowWHR (i.e. a curvaceous body) is believed to correspond to the optimal fat distribution for high fertility, and so this shape should be highly attractive. In this paper we present evidence that weight scaled for height (the body mass index (BMI)) is the primary determinant of sexual attractiveness rather thanWHR. BMI is also strongly linked to health and reproductive potential. Furthermore, we show how covariation of apparent BMI andWHR in previous studies led to the overestimation of the importance of WHR in the perception of female attractiveness. Finally, we show how visual cues, such as the perimeter-area ratio (PAR), can provide an accurate and reliable index of an individual’s BMI and could be used by an observer to differentiate between potential partners.”

Visual cues to female physical attractiveness – The Royal Society PDF

Said in plain English – A .7 hip-to-waist ratio AND low body fat % are strong cues to the sexual fitness of a woman. If you read and research a little more you will find that long hair, clear white eyes, pink/red lips and cheeks are also cues to a sexually fit woman. Age also plays a role, as it is more likely a woman will display these traits the younger she is. She was also more likely to survive the childbirth process before our modern medical achievements helped lower infant and mother mortality rates.

This doesn’t say much to the personality of said female.

A man can see a woman that displays these sexual cues, and instantly want to have sex with her. You see, our investment can be just a few minutes of physical sex and she is impregnated.

This is another component of Evolutionary Psychology that looks to explain the different mating strategies of men and women. Namely, women release 1 egg per month, with a nine month investment in carrying a baby and another 16-20 years of caring for the child while a man need only to take a few minutes to cum in her with a few million sperm and he can be on his way.

This starts to explain why women look for specific qualities in long and short term mates – and many of these qualities are a cross of pure alpha and beta as we tend to define them. A dominant beta with Alpha tendencies is a great catch for the average woman. Given our culture (which includes religion), and not the evolutionary mating strategy programmed into our heads, we have been trained to also have certain beliefs about what we SHOULD want. This is part of the pair bonding and personalities of the mating pair for long term relationships.

Part of this culture programming impacts the resources a man is willing to invest in a woman. Part of this resource investment is evolutionary while part is cultural. For example, a man does not typically want to raise another man’s children. This is why many predator type of animals that have a social structure will kill the young of the leader if that leader is beaten – these young drain resources that could be used for the new “Alpha’s” young. However, given our culture, many men and women believe it is acceptable for a man to raise another man’s children. Actually, a solid chunk of single moms believe a man SHOULD want to raise her children.

Getting free of this cultural programming is what I spend most of my time teaching to men. I teach them how to see patterns they live, how to see the truth about what women want, and how to remove cultural programming that is holding them back. I also teach them how to display the sexual cues of a high value man so they can have a much wider selection of females.

Men so rarely display high levels of dominance and masculinity, that a man simply strong enough to go against cultural “rules” to display this dominance makes women want to sleep with him. Just like the visually desired woman (one that displays fertile features) instantly attracts a man, a man that displays Alpha qualities instantly turns on a girl.

She may not like him, but being “liked” is not a primary attraction trigger.

This display of dominance and Alpha short circuits the “cultural” programming of girls to not sleep around fast or even cheat.

I believe the cultural role imprinted over the natural evolutionary mating strategies is not only the success for our building a technological superior civilization, but also the root of many of our mating issues. We are a species that pretends to be honest while we spend a lot of time hiding and denying the truth. We also make emotional decisions and then rationalize why would made that the decision AFTER we have already done what we want.

So back to your question. As we said, most men like young women, with low body fat levels, long hair, clear bright eyes, a .7 hip-to-waist ratio, and pink/red lips and cheeks. Most men do not want an easy woman. They want to be the one to conquer her, with access to sex with her severally limited (think invest or resources for children not his) to other men. At this point, culture really starts to play a role. When we start to look at personalities, what a man can want will vary based on his culture and upbringing.

Personally, I like feminine women. I like women who are smart and funny, without thinking they have to challenge me to impress me. I like women who embrace their sexual role as a positive, with no worries that they aren’t as strong as me in certain roles.

With all of this, there is one more component. This one aspect really impacts what a dominant or Alpha man will and will not want in a girl.

Experience.

You see, I know the Alpha Laws. I have slept with hundreds of girls. I have slept with multiple at the same time in a live in type relationship. I have been in so many environments and situations with women that literally nothing shocks me. Nothing fazes me. I know exactly how men and women are, and with this wisdom my threshold for bullshit is minimal.

What I mean is I am very truthful in my communication of expectations with women. Being a dominant man is not the same thing as being controlling. I don’t have to rely on manipulation, threats, violence, or anything like that. I can, but I don’t.

A man of less experience will likely put up with more drama from a woman. The more he is unwilling to walk away, the more she feels the need to “test” him. She needs to know where his line is to understand how dependable he is. Many men see the “give her what she wants” or “go along to get along” strategy as one where they are supporting their mate and displaying dependability. They are wrong. Without knowing exactly where a man draws the line the women constantly fears the man is weak and not able to defend either of them.

Because of my experience, wisdom, and internal belief system, I know who I am and how I will live. I also know how fast women sleep with men that display dominant masculinity coupled with high value. This means I am less likely to jump through any hoops. My boundaries are established before the first “hello”. If I am not your type, that is fine. I am not likely to take you on a fancy date, or bring you flowers, or do any of the other “cultural” based crap expected of men to win a girl – until AFTER I have had sex with you and decide I want to have you in my life for an extended period of time. I am not waiting to the third date to see if maybe we are sexually compatible.

I will explain who I am, what I am about and what I expect. The woman is always free to “reject” me. She is free to leave at anytime. I will not try to “keep” her or “control” her at all. Actually, as I am qualifying her I am also removing the pedestal society typically has placed under her butt. I am not going to be dependent on her for my masculine energy. Rather, I will charge her feminine energy with my dependable masculine energy.

And what maintains this balance? Preselection.

We both know if she leaves there will be another girl very fast though. With my lifestyle there are likely a dozen women at any given moment with whom I could call that would JUMP at the chance to be with me. Girls I have picked up for threesomes with my girlfriend, girls I have met through social events, and all of the other girls that I can go meet anywhere. This continues to push my value up – which makes it easier to be with even more women. It is a great upward spiral – and likely where the “feast or famine” phrase came from.

Similar as to why so many women will sleep with “famous” men – rock stars, athletes, actors, etc. without knowing much about him. The preselection he has with other women overrides their cultural programming and they jump into bed with him. It is a particular psychological programming in both evolutionary and social behavior. She assumes that the other girls that all want this guy must have more information about the guy than she does.

It never ceases to amaze me how many men think they have to look like buff fashion models and how many women think they have to have male success to attract members of the opposite sex. This is literally imprinting what cues WE look for and expect onto a member of the opposite sex. Since we want a particular cue, we expect the opposite sex to want the same cue.

This is why a lot of career women are not as satisfied that their job success rarely impresses a man from a sexual relationship standpoint. Her work success is not one of those prewired evolutionary attraction button for him.

On the same topic, this is one reason why men do not use preselection more for getting women – men get jealous/hurt at women they like with other men while women get jealous/attracted to the man that has lots of other women interested in him. Since a woman with multiple men is not a prewired evolutionary attraction button for men, men try to hide this trait from women.

“Also is it the girl’s fault generally if she attracts the betas?”

Yes and no.

As we discussed, your looks, coupled somewhat by your culturally tempered personality, is what attracts men. The “hotter” you are in an evolutionary point of view coupled with socially accepted beauty (fashion and rituals) will dictate the level of man that is initially attracted to you. If the sexually attractive men are not at least making a point of meeting you, you likely aren’t as hot as you think you are. Feel free to send me a photo and I will give you my honest opinion.

The sweet and feminine personality will likely keep ALL men interested in you longer – both the ones you like and the ones you don’t. Most dominant men that I have ever met like feminine women. Actually, through all of my experience I cannot think of one very sexually successful man that has ever been in a long term relationship with anyone other than a feminine woman.

I know of a lot of nice, sensitive men that tolerate domineering women. I think they tolerate this from a lack of options, not a desire.

So you attracting a beta is likely based on your displayed looks (which I assume you put effort into) just the same as attracting an Alpha. If you have to keep dealing with a specific beta it is because of your communication with him. After you meet him and you decide you are not interested, you will need to have a very pointed conversation with him destroying all possibility of sexual contact.

But women don’t typically have a very pointed conversation like this. They tend to subtly hint and wonder why the men don’t “get it”. They also tend to string men along because they don’t want to hurt our feelings, they enjoy the attention from men as an ego boost, or they keep hoping the guy becomes more dominant.

UPDATED

“It’s natali and thank you for your response it was informative.

That test thing you were talking about the need to push a man to his limits the more he hangs about I do that I never knew why I have been told by my mother and friends who noticed it to stop but I never could. I tried to I didn’t like it, well after the fact at least, but it just happens and now based on what you wrote are you saying it’s wired in women to do that because females are looking for that alpha man even unconsciously maybe?”

Natali,

You are welcome.

As in all things, you can go too far – testing included. Have you ever seen “The Taming of the Shrew”? It is a classic movie and it describes a rather unpleasant woman who test the hell out of her soon to be husband, only to finally “submit” and accept him as a strong Alpha. Worth a watch from both men and women. Especially men on dealing with these test – and not letting them get under your skin.

As for the testing being unconscious – yes, some (maybe most) of the time they are. I have no doubt though, being a woman, you plot and plan to test a guy you like. It is your nature.

“If I can ask for you to keep to yourself on this one I would be much obliged…

I am assuming because of your self acclaimed status as a successful alpha male that has no problem getting involved intimately with countless of women, and because of your teaching status through your website that you understand the mentality of the group you represent very well. So I want to know from someone that has had hundreds of gorgeous model types and their friends in everywhich way and because you wrote you have seen it all and nothing surprises you anymore which sounds really boring and lonely by the way, sorry, all the more so because I’m assuming you’re not an old geezer of some sort my question is what would pull a guy like you? I know you said a long haired blushing girly girl but you must have had so many of them is that still something that holds sway from the rest of the group? I mean what can one offer to someone that has had it all and then some? I’m asking from a wider perspective you understand. I want to know more about your type. Guys like you are interesting and since you get to teach guys how to get laid, which honestly isnt all that hard guys complicate the whole thing much more then need be in my opinion not that i allow easy access or anything it’s just life, can u teach girls how to hold a man like that’s attention? I don’t want to be another notch on some belt I want to learn to hold my own without the manipulative mind games anymore.

Also I have many more questions and if you don’t mind I will send them.

And now that I thought about it you can publish our convos I guess it can be a learning experience for others as much as me.

Thank you!”

Self proclaimed status? Well…. to an extent. I do take guys out to teach, I have also been on Cliff’s List DVD’s series, Double Your Dating Advanced Dating Techniques DVD’s and Interviews With Dating Gurus. I have turned down other potential engagements due to the time investment vs. my current executive role.

“I’m assuming you’re not an old geezer” – Haven’t spent much time on researching your subject, have you?  About AlphaX   That is me and my current girlfriend. I am old. So old. I do look good for 72 though. Just outside of the picture you could see the handle to my walker, my nurse and the oxygen.

“which sounds really boring and lonely by the way” – When I first started learning about human interactions and pick-up, it did become boring. The “magic” of connection was gone replaced by a formula, if you will. However, with a few more years of age and experience, knowing these behavioral traits is anything but lonely or boring. I am not shocked, or fazed – but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a wild time and relish the rush of a new experience. This truly is one of those “the world is what you make it” situations.

” my question is what would pull a guy like you? I know you said a long haired blushing girly girl but you must have had so many of them is that still something that holds sway from the rest of the group? I mean what can one offer to someone that has had it all and then some? I’m asking from a wider perspective you understand. I want to know more about your type.”

Yes, that is tough, and why you ladies enjoy Alpha’s so much. I mentioned long hair, it is a turn onto me – and I have flat told girls with short pixie cuts I don’t date girls with short hair. I certainly only date feminine women, as I am not attracted to masculine women at all. So what can you do differently?

Well one thing you can do is be a little more coy and flirty. One of the things I have experienced is just how fast a girl will go to sex when these masculine traits are displayed. Just like the average guy defaults to “too nice” or “paying for everything” with a girl they like, a girl that is feeling a lot of masculine energy will put out incredibly fast. Sometimes a little challenge is fun. A little push-pull, verbal flirting with an attractive girl always sets a girl apart.

Besides being a stunner, my current girlfriend is very smart. She has an incredible wit, and we do play that sparing game. She was also a challenge, not completely giving in when I first pursued her. I liked that every guy around hit on her and flirted, and they were all “sweetly” turned down and she is with me.

Exactly how you act will always be influenced on your surroundings, settings and the interaction with said man, but a little challenge – the illusion that you are a prize that most men want, but only a few will ever have will set you apart.

And I don’t mean bitchy, I mean playfully flirty. Like you are interested, sexually aware of him, but unsure of the outcome.

Is there one particular man you are interested in? Tell me more about his traits, how he acts around you and others.

“Guys like you are interesting and since you get to teach guys how to get laid, which honestly isnt all that hard guys complicate the whole thing much more then need be in my opinion not that i allow easy access or anything it’s just life, can u teach girls how to hold a man like that’s attention?”

BUHAHAHAHA… Your right – guys do complicate it. But this is the reason a guy with a lot of girls is a stud, while a girl with a lot of guys is a slut. Getting laid for most women isn’t that hard. Even the ugliest and largest women still seem to have guys that will sleep with them. What you don’t understand is most guys have a very hard time getting laid. A girl may reject 100 guys in a night out at the club because she didn’t “like” them. She may be picky and have standards, but she still had the option to have sex with almost every guy. The fact she didn’t exercise this option doesn’t change the fact most guys would have slept with her. A guy will have to face the rejection of opening, yet for most men they do not have the immediate option of sex – they have to create that option by making the girl feel attraction.

Can I teach girls? Yes. And Natalie, most girls suffer the same issue that guys tend to suffer when they really like a girl and want to be with her (like have sex with her) – they overcomplicate the entire process. And they look at the situation of what THEY would like, not what the other person craves.

The average guy really likes a girl, what does he do? He tells her – removing the unknown. He is nice to her – which removes the mystery. He shows her a lot of attention – which lowers the attraction.

But what do ALL of these things do? They release the tension. These are the things he wishes this girl would do TO HIM – so it would release the tension he is feeling from his desire to her.

If you are a guy that can spark a lot of attention in girls, then you get this same dynamic all the time. Like I have said in my writing, I am not the type of guy women are just stunned or attracted to by looking at me. I have to interact and create that attraction. No model good looks for me. But once I have sparked that attraction, what do I have to deal with?

Girls texting all the time. Girls easily throwing out sex to spend time with me. Offers to go do just about anything you can imagine. And since I only date bi girls, the threesome offer is on the table frequently. Am I complaining – hell no. Just understand, how a guy acts when he is head over heels for you is how most women act when they are head over heels for a man. Needy, insecure and looking to release that tension.

So try what I said above – flirt, but don’t rush in. A guy will place value on you if he thinks you are not easy to get. Even if you have never had a one night stand, if you do with him, you will likely not be as valued. And at least 90% of the girls that slept with me in the first hour, or first night, told me they have never done that. I don’t believe any of them, and while I really liked some of them, the ones that valued themselves a little more won me.

“manipulative mind games anymore” – That statement is why you are getting so much of my time. I feel you are genuine in your quest for knowledge. One of the things I have learned is manipulation, influence, eliciting set values and patterns all run the risk of being a mind game or hurting another person. They can also all radiate positive energy that fulfills your significant other.

A scary movie is crafted in a way so as to manipulate your nervous system into feeling dread and releasing adrenaline – the fight or flight hormone. But is that manipulation bad?

A drama is crafted to illicit more of a suspense and sad response. Is that manipulation bad?

One of the major mental challenges is to remember the way you see the world, your wants and desires, are generally the same as everyone else, but, specifically different. We all want to feel love, but how we feel love is usually different.

With that, it is ok if you manipulate a situation into an Alpha being able to feel attraction to you. It is ok if you are in a setting where a lot of guys want you in front of the guy you want IF this in turn gives him the feeling of value and pride when he finally wins you. To me it is all in the perspective and the energy you bring to the interaction.

I know girls that have manipulated a guy into buying them some pretty expensive items with the implied promise of intimate relations – while they had no intention of EVER living up to it. These girls (or guys in similar roles) I have no sympathy for. This is the hurtful manipulation.

But using a little intuition and sexual charm to heighten the sexual tension in a potential mate – that is the magic. It is the “Je ne sais quoi”.

It is all dependent on the energy YOU bring into the interaction.

“Sorry it just came to me and its more crucial then the others I asked.

Were you always like that? Even in childhood you expressed some alpha characteristics? Can one notice them at a young age or is it over the years through personal choice and life experience? Can someone start out demure but then “awaken” or something like that into a more dominant nature? Like ita dormant till someone or something comes along and triggers it?

Did you have self confidence issues and then decide to go on a personal power trip of dominating women and having mindless sex as an ego boost? Or you really just care about your kindred gender sex lives so much your personal mission in life has become to help your bros and dudes get laid?

Doesn’t the need to dominate and be in power outside and inside the bed just show deep inside someone feels powerless? Not attractive enough? Rich enough? Good or smart enough?

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Sincerely much.”

No, I wasn’t always like this.

Did I display some Alpha traits? Yes, I believe I did. I was a bit shy, but we moved all the time. This forced me to talk (and fight) a lot. I was always smart, so I was very curious as to how things work – both the foundation for all of my research here and my engineering degree. I like systems and understanding mechanics and then using those to get what I want.

Yes one can notice these traits at a young age. I got custody of my son when he was 1 year old. He was very shy, but I could see a willful mind. So I focused on developing him into an Alpha. He is 13 now, one of the smaller kids in his grade (I was a late bloomer, looks like he will be too). He is an Alpha though. One grade above him, very hot girlfriend. Runs with the jock crowd, is a great football player beating out over 100 kids for his slot on one of the elite teams. I have had him lifting weights and training (lightly) since he was 8. He is the strongest kid in his school for his weight class. He also is an A/B student with all honors classes. (ED: Yes I am proud – how he handles his girlfriends makes him an Alpha – the rest is just icing on the cake.)

From a psychology stand point, we all have a certain basis of where we are. Some people are shy, some are loud. Our genetic makeup influences us. However, after that point, it is up to us. Almost everything in life is a skill. Skills can be learned. Sure, it may be harder for a shy person to learn to be dominant, but so what. It may be easier for that shy person to also display an aloof stoic exterior (a much desired Alpha trait in some situations), which the loud dominant person may not be so easily able to do.

“Can someone start out demure but then “awaken” or something like that into a more dominant nature?”

From my link above on My Story –

“During this time, I started having financial troubles with work as well.

I found myself drinking heavy, living on a buddy’s couch (thanks Kyle!) and just trying to make it each day.

Then came the dot com crash. Right after our divorce was final I had to file an $8 million dollar personal Chapter 7 Bankruptcy.

I had lost my wife, wealth, status – everything. Well, I was awarded Primary Custody of our son, but only because of all the stupid decisions she made violating court orders. And right after our divorce she gave birth to a beautiful little girl. The bartenders little girl.

That is when I looked in the mirror one hung-over morning and decided it was time to make a change. If I were honest with myself, there was only one common denominator in all of my failed relationships or business efforts. And that was ME!”

Yes, life experiences can ignite a fire in anyone. It all depends on how bad you want it, and what you are willing to give up to get it. Most people focus on short term results – as did I. But if you really want something, and you are 1) Unwilling to give up 2) willing to keep trying different approaches – you will find a way.

“Did you have self confidence issues and then decide to go on a personal power trip of dominating women and having mindless sex as an ego boost? Or you really just care about your kindred gender sex lives so much your personal mission in life has become to help your bros and dudes get laid? “

Did I have self confidence issues – yes, at several points in my life. After my divorce and bankruptcy I was scared to death to approach anyone. My first approach after starting to learn all of this my knees shook and my voice cracked – no bullshit. Confidence is the pillar that ALL of these other skills are built. And I had to start at the bottom, building a solid foundation just like most of the guys I teach do.

As for dominating women? That is simply my gift to them. You are talking with a dominant man for a reason. I don’t degrade them, but by allowing them to submit I become the solid rock their tempest of emotions can beat upon that will not move. I become safe to them. I give them the foundation to freely explore their feminine and sexual side. The number #1 fantasy for females is rape, so it’s not like I am leading them down a path they don’t desire, I am simply unlocking the lust and desires most of the them keep locked away. What better gift could I give?

And no, I don’t believe a woman truly wants to be raped. However, I do believe it is an expression of the average woman’s desire to be dominated. No girl I have ever been with has said I fucked them too hard – well, not at least until the next day. Then they simply say they are sore with a satisfied sigh.

As for helping out the “bro’s” – most guys just want to be accepted socially and to have a lover/girlfriend/wife. Most of these men are nice guys that don’t understand the nature of women, so they get blown out of the water often. The fastest way to have a relationship with a woman is to have incredible sex with her. (The fastest way to have incredible sex with her is by making her feel attraction and sexual tension – not the how you touch her but how she feels about your energy) After that, the relationship grows fairly naturally. If I can teach my boys to do that, while keeping the attraction up in her so they are BOTH happy, all while avoiding the soul-crushing shit I have been through, then I will die a happy man.

“Doesn’t the need to dominate and be in power outside and inside the bed just show deep inside someone feels powerless? Not attractive enough? Rich enough? Good or smart enough?”

This really is a great question. Seriously, one gold star for you.

It can. Remember when we talked about the dom or dominant guys that were not very Alpha? This can be a place they come from. When I first started learning attraction I am sure my motive was one of “payback” and take.

However, as I got really good with women – as I really started learning all of these mental road maps and limiting beliefs people have, then my energy became one of positive giving. I don’t dominate girls for the power trip – I do it to give them what they desire. And each girl is a little different. Some like it brutally hard, others just like it a little rough. This is learned as I pay attention to how she responds.

Also, I am not trying to fit every girl into my box – I simply know what most girls like, and the ones I like I offer the opportunity to explore with. If it goes beyond that, great, if not, ok. I enjoy the interaction, but I am outcome independent with each individual interaction.

At some point, when you have fully developed your confidence, you are just enough. You may always strive for better, but inside, you are enough.

“you know I really appreciate you taking the time to explain all these things to me. I was speaking to my school’s football coach today in his office and he is totally exactly an alpha! and I don’t believe in coincidences. let me explain. I took his health class a long time ago, since then I haven’t seen him or heard from him…nothing. then right after we, me and you, started to email each other and I started to delve deeper into this topic bam! we cross paths out of the blue as we pass I smile coyly at him saying nothing and then he asks something and we strike up a conversation. he lets me see him alone in his office hours and he NEVER lets any female students come see him alone in his office…his words. so its pretty cool that I get to learn from two strong sources. of course my conversations with him aren’t as concentrated on a topic as ours are because…well, because…it wouldn’t be professional? although at the same time he seemed really open

laid everything bare any question I asked he answered and even talked about his current relationship with this lawyer he is seeing sharing their texts with me so the dude is open. as an alpha usually is right? nothing to hide, what you see is what you get type of thing? at least I think. also can alphas read female intentions clearly? I mean when I got to his office he asked me what would I like to talk about and I said nothing in particular so he would lead our conversations into intimate relational advice and such without me really asking me anything of the sort. did he read me somehow? are women easy to read from an alphas perspective?

anyways this email isn’t really about him I just wanted to share my experience with you today I though it was interesting how life lines up things for you when you are after something with an intent and effort.

as far as sharing our stories you are more than welcome to after all you have your audience to cater to and if that’s what it takes to get your insight and advice I’ll meet you halfway. my actual name is Natali but you seem to lean towards spelling it Natalie so maybe that’s easier for you to remember or something at your ripe old age of “72” 😛 so lets go with that.

honestly I am truly sick and tired of the mental bullshit and am genuinely interested in learning and bettering myself. so thank you for noticing that. self improvement for me is crucial and I am very passionate about it.

sincerely much.”

Natali,

You are welcome.

For you and our readers – “so the dude is open. as an alpha usually is right? nothing to hide, what you see is what you get type of thing?”

Being open is a personality trait independent of Alpha qualities. The more confident and social a person is, the more open they tend to seem.

As I have stated, men who are good with girls know that preselection works in their favor. A guy being open with you by showing you text from a girl that already is into him is simply being smart.

AlphaX

“ok. i don’t sit around plotting and planning tests for unsuspecting men out there that choose to involve themselves with me on some level. like i shared earlier i don’t really like to do it as it more often than not it ruins my relationships but i do do it because in the moment i get angry at the sensation and feelings of something missing or lacking in him or our relationship… or maybe even at myself for not triggering in him the right things or at least the things i personally desire and want in my SO’s. hmm, i need to reflect on that later lol. you wrote that that’s why wives leave their men because they are betas portraying some alphas traits and once these traits extinguish the women are left frustrated. i don’t know if that’s that but it would explain why some women leave perfectly sweet and normal guys and divorce them for no obvious reason.

now about the energy i bring into an interaction…i don’t want to do all the work. i’m tired of it. what kind of energy exactly is ideal to bring into interactions? honestly i cant always be coy and flirty and giggly and sweet. im a human being i have a big scope of emotions and as a female i claim and relish the inherit right to have a whole range of them at the same time. shouldn’t an alpha be able to handle it all in a stride or he is so mighty and wanted he couldn’t be bothered? honestly, if that’s the case i forfeit my quest of knowledge and understanding because it sounds like a waste of time and a set up to get myself discarded by an uncaring arrogant and self absorbed individual just waiting on the next round of freshly turned 18 year olds.

or is it that if he cares enough he’ll stick around?…which circles back to me again i guess, and my energy huh? i dont want to be fake in my interactions though because that just sounds like trouble build on a fake and shifty foundation. wheres the balance here?

you talk about being a solid rock for the tempest of emotions that every female is brewing to spill filled with sexuality and femininity. you make it sound like you are offering them a safe and ideal haven but they way you talk about your past conquests and the advice you give to your readers it just sound like a sophisticated hit-it-and-quit-it guide. isn’t your gift to women an illusion? or you believe all women are inner wanton whores desperate to have a man pin them against the wall and choke them out through an orgasm only to leave them impersonally and move on ignoring countless of heartfelt requests of something more than sex?

which all leads back to my first question…can alphas read females pretty accurately? is that how and why you can claim to know you just give women what they want? because you know which ones to target? what gives them away? how do you know who wants it and how they want it?

how can i do the same in reverse? i know theres some washed out alphas there and then theres the real deal how can one tell? what sets the true alpha apart from the alpha impersonator or temporary alpha? or the jerk off whos out there just looking for a good jizz and choke session?

sincerely much
n”

Natali,

You are asking a lot of deep questions, and like most of life, the answers really depend on the context.

Yes, I truly believe a lot of perfectly normal, nice, polite, educated and successful guys are left by girlfriends and wives simply because they do not have enough Alpha traits to keep her hypergamy nature in check.

“Because acquiring resources for her offspring is of paramount importance, a woman will try to attract wealthy, high-status men who are willing and able to help her. She must be coy and choosy, limiting her attentions to men worthy of her and emphasizing her chastity so as not to threaten the paternity confidence of her mate.

The lady has been getting more complicated of late, however. As Sarah Hrdy1 predicted, we now have evidence that women, like other female primates, are also competitive, randy creatures. Women have been seen competing with their rivals using both physical aggression2,3 and more subtle derogation of competitors.4 While they are still sometimes coy and chaste, women have also been described recently as sexy and sometimes promiscuous creatures, manipulating fatherhood by the timing of orgasm5,6 and using their sexuality to garner resources from men.”

Women’s Mating Strategies PDF

I did a survey over 10 years ago with over a 1000 responses. Most of the women had no definite answer as to why they left their marriage – they just didn’t “feel” it. Some would cite abuse, physical and mental, but when asked to describe the events they were usually in the context of “he shoved me (after I shoved him)” or “he called me a name (after I started a fight)”. As a society, we throw the term “abuse” around a lot as an excuse to do what we want, rather describe an actual abusive event.

Most of the men really didn’t have a clue why their wife left. The would cite they fought or argued all the time, and how they could never please her.

Is being an Alpha the answer? Well, I could have my ex wife and a bunch of ex girlfriends back. I like having all of the options I have. And I love where I am and the relationship I have. If I was weaker, I don’t think my girl would love me (or be faithful or stay) like she does.

“now about the energy i bring into an interaction” – In the context I was writing about, I meant the energy of your intentions – like were you being manipulative for a positive outcome or negative “take” outcome. Keep in mind, everyone brings energy to every interaction and a relationship. There is no lack of energy, just shades of positive and negative, strength and weakness.

“honestly i cant always be coy and flirty and giggly and sweet. im a human being i have a big scope of emotions and as a female i claim and relish the inherit right to have a whole range of them at the same time. shouldn’t an alpha be able to handle it all in a stride or he is so mighty and wanted he couldn’t be bothered?”

Agreed, but you were asking how you set yourself apart. This is getting his attention and increasing your value at the beginning interaction.

An Alpha will handle himself just fine. Remember, you want “him” – the dominant guy, whoever he is. My point in talking with you about what you could bring was to help you stand out and above the average girl.

As for your comment about ” uncaring arrogant and self absorbed individual just waiting on the next round of freshly turned 18 year olds” I actually laughed out loud. That attitude in the Laws of Alpha, Law #1 IS the foundation for the man not to take your emotional tempest to heart.

Tell us, which man is likely to keep you in a relationship?

Man 1) You have a fight and storm off. This guys chases you telling you he is sorry (though he doesn’t have a clue why), and is begging you not to leave.

Man 2) You have a fight and storm off. This guy tells you to be careful but do what you have to do.

I know, if a girl is thinking of a guy she really felt attraction for, then she would pick #1. Reminds me of “Hitch” when he jumps on the car pleading for her to stay. How romantic that he is chasing her . Except this isn’t a movie and that was the biggest lie in the show. We retreat from that which chases us. And a weak man is even more repulsive.

I am man 2, and I teach my readers to be man 2. Knowing there are millions of hot sexy girls available makes it very easy to keep cool and still handle female drama in an attractive way.

” …your readers it just sound like a sophisticated hit-it-and-quit-it guide.”

Another great question and observation.

It is whatever they want it to be.

I don’t teach men to be faithful.

I don’t teach men to cheat.

I don’t teach men to have successful relationships any more than I teach them to leave their relationships – even though I know this information will help their relationships.

I teach men how to be Alpha and to demonstrate qualities that attract and sexually charge females. I am not a moral cop, so what a man decides to do with this knowledge is really up to him.

At one point in my life, I wanted to fuck as many women as possible. Through that experience I learned I didn’t have to cheat, lie or even hide my intentions. I told women straight up, “I don’t want a girlfriend. I am not the guy. I am just a guy that you will have fun with till he comes along.”  Hell, I have told them “I am just going to use you.”  It doesn’t matter.  Logically, reading this, every girl would say they would never be with a guy that said this to them.  I know that to be a lie.  If that guy was making them feel attraction and enough sexual tension, he could say anything and they would be with him.  As a matter of fact, just having the balls to say this to a girl that is attracted to you will increase her desire for you.

Through this I learned that if you create attraction and sexual tension in a girl, she will still fuck you even after you tell her you only want sex. A girl doesn’t have to like you to sleep with you, she just has to feel attraction and a lot of sexual tension.

Now, I am very faithful to my girlfriend. I still like threesomes. I like setting up threesomes and flirting even more. You will have to figure that out, but it works for me.

Keep in mind, whatever person you deal with will chose their own path. Some men will want marriage, some will not. Some will want children, some will not. Some will only date bi girls, and some will not.

A guy is under no obligation to meet your desires. Just like a woman is under no obligations to meet a man’s desires. Each may chose to do so, but they don’t have to. My relating all of this information is to help the average guy see what COULD be – to help him reframe his entire reality.

“ or you believe all women are inner wanton whores desperate to have a man pin them against the wall and choke them” – Yes, I do believe that. I have never been proved wrong with a woman I have fucked. Have you ever been pushed against a wall, choked while being fucked?  Still excites you, I bet.

“which all leads back to my first question…can alphas read females pretty accurately” – Yes. We know how most females are, so we know what to look for (or we just assume – like the being choked against a wall). We don’t buy into the media portrayal of the perfect snowflake woman that can do no wrong. But just because we can read the situation fairly well, doesn’t mean we are going to act on it.

I tend to be a rather challenging and charming guy in public. I flirt with most semi-attractive girls – old, young, I do not care. I do this because it brings me enjoyment and I like honing my skills. I usually see positive signals that the girl is interested in taking the interaction further – phone number, date, sex whatever. I rarely act on those signals. The only time I do is if she fits the criteria established for a threesome, and she has already said she is bi-sexual.

As you know, men judge visual first. But we still have to have an interaction with the female to determine her personality. If the Alpha is looking for a long term relationship, he will be looking for different or more qualities than if he is just looking for casual sex. No one is psychic, and just because my mental model is that ALL women have an inner whore doesn’t mean I will know if she is honest, chaste, faithful or loyal by looking at how she crosses her legs while sipping a cocktail.

“because you know which ones to target? what gives them away? how do you know who wants it and how they want it?”

LOL You are killing me. At the beginning of this exchange I told you what I look for in a girl. I don’t target girls or look for damaged ones to control. Religious, educated, rich, poor, broke, strict family or raised by a single parent. Shit, I don’t even care.  For the most part, I was never looking for a relationship.  Most girls like the same things in a guy. We all know girls like confidence – so by showing confidence I am not targeting a girl.

“how can i do the same in reverse? i know theres some washed out alphas there and then theres the real deal how can one tell? what sets the true alpha apart from the alpha impersonator or temporary alpha? or the jerk off whos out there just looking for a good jizz and choke session?”

It seems to me you have a faulty mental frame that most women have. You assume a successful, dominant Alpha man WANTS a relationship. Not all of them do.

The real rub – you can’t know without time and interaction. The subconscious test (shit test) that you employ to weed out weaker men does not typically weed out Players, Pick-Up Artists or Alpha men. Some may handle your test naturally, and some may have learned to handle your test from yours truly – it is irrelevant. You test us, we display mastery and dominance, you feel more attraction. We might just want to fuck you, or we might want to marry you and spend forever.

I always tell men to watch what a woman does, and not to listen to what she says she wants. The truth is, you will just have to watch his actions and you will have to look for actions that relate to what you want.

Most Sincerely,

AlphaX