Do I attract betas because I look cute rather than sexy?

Happy New Year’s “Michelle”,

I originally emailed back and asked her for her picture before responding.

Like many of the girls that write me, Michelle is very attractive (she should find at least one non face photo to let me post). She is 5’1 and looks to be around 94 lbs. Big blue eyes, a very pretty face, flat stomach with perky B size breast. As a man, I would ravish her – often and hard.

If I can start by offering 2 pieces of advice. You are lean, but I always tell everyone to get into a gym. I could see you broadening your shoulders and back (the swimmer look) a bit to accentuate your curves. This will give you a bit more of the classic female look (as opposed to the 19 year old girl look) and show off the perfect .7 hip to waist ratio.

Secondly, your hair. You have long, healthy (golden brown with maybe just a touch of red tint) hair, but every single picture of you has your hair disheveled. Based on your pictures you look a bit like a tom boy. Nothing wrong with this, but a pony-tail can be your best friend.

As far as looks, that about it. I swear if the readers could see you, 1 guy would comment you look too young (the guy who has never dated), 6 girls would tell you to eat more that guys don’t like thin women, and 80% of the non-commenting male readers would cut off a finger to date you.

Yes guys, she is that pretty. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my job?

Now, on to your questions:

Your looks are fine. We may need to adjust your attitude and beliefs a bit.

This is more likely. The “nice” vibe gives a lot of “nice” men the go ahead to keep trying. My experience is the more a girl tries to hint and softly let a guy down, the more weak men try to woo her. You don’t have to be a bitch (though you may want to at times) but you will need to hint less and be a bit more direct when you are not interested. A simple, “I appreciate it, but I am really not interested in you like that” will do.

Alphas prefer sweet and feminine. I have never met a dominant man that was happy about dating a bitch. Most Alpha men I know won’t date a mean or bossy woman. So the above advice on being direct with beta men that keep trying with you is to minimize how many times they try.

This is interesting. Having an outgoing personality that is socially charming (like you sound) is a good thing. What I don’t know is if you are “hinting” at being sexually available to all of the men, so that the Alpha devalues you. The “debate strongly, argue…” can trigger male competitiveness. Great if you just want to be friends, less than desirable if you are trying to trigger the natural relationship triggers in his head.

What I can’t tell is the underlying vibe you may communicate. Many women will use the hint of sex to garner attention. It’s why the big breasted girl wears a low cut blouse then complains that all of the men are looking at her tits. Secretly she likes the attention – but not from the weak men. So, if you are sending a sexual vide to all of the betas, you may be sending a signal to the Alpha’s that you are easy, hence low value. The Alpha is high value, so he might screw you if the setting was right, but he is not going to invest any time in you.

Secondly, I would like to point out that Alpha’s and dominant men are rare. An Alpha man is the guy that can have a larger selection of women. Not many 19-21 year old guys have had enough experience to be Alpha. Yes, I know there are a few, but men really start coming into high confidence later. That’s why men like me (45) can still pull 19-25 year old girls – there just aren’t enough dominant young Alpha’s to go around.

You remind me of a girl that wrote me from Brittan. She is lean, gorgeous, extremely witty and a genius. She literally is a member or Mensa – and she had some of the same thoughts. The truth is, being relaxed and joking is never going to scare off an Alpha or dominant man. If you are cussing like a sailor while being crude, grabbing guys’ dicks and demonstrating you will flirt/fuck anything in the room, you will scare off most men. But joking, being witty, or even smart is not going to be a negative to a dominant, secure man.

This is the rub. I am still working on my book, and I will send you a copy here in a couple of months. At a high level, keep the hair long and styled, wear form fitting clothes (think short skirt rather than sweat pants, or tank top rather than baggy sweater) and slow down. The “move quickly” vibe usually conveys nervousness. You may not be nervous, but generally those that move faster than the situation calls for puts other people on edge. I had the same issue, and it took years of practice to slow down my movements naturally. Ballet actually might slow you down and make you more graceful too. I had never thought of that, but it is athletic and graceful.

Another great way to display a more feminine role in social settings is to listen more and talk less. Listening is a feminine function that will create a greater connection with a man.

The biggest one I can think of is to not be competitive. Being playful and flirty is perfect, but our culture has tried to convince women you must compete like a man. You don’t. If you are an athlete and competing, be competitive. If you are in business or work, be competitive. But when you are dealing with a man you would like to attract, be playful and nice. If you are competitive with a man, you fire up his competitive nature and he will take it as a challenge. And not the good kind. He will see you as a rival, not the object of his desire. You want to be his dream girl, not his rival.

IF, on the other hand you do not try to compete with him, you naturally trigger his “protector” role. He will look at you as someone to take care of, which is a natural relationship trigger. This doesn’t mean you have to be a suck up, always do what he wants, or not express your opinion. It does mean you don’t need to challenge him to an arm wrestling competition, correct his spelling or try to always be right in the conversation.

Yes, don’t do this.

The problem with feeling awkward, self-conscious and stiff is it demonstrates lower value, and can transmit that vibe to other people. I know you have been around a guy that felt awkward and self-conscious. Did you really find it cute or did it add stress to you as you wondered if you did something, or if something is really wrong with him. What you feel is transmitted to those around you, and they will treat you accordingly.

Relax. Guys are attracted to a girls looks first, then her personality. You have the looks, so stop worrying about it and be a bit more of a free spirit in your thinking. I teach men this in my program, but it is true with women too. You are the prize. You are a fun, witty, smart and damn sexy woman. You are worth having. Once you start believing that, you will feel it. When you feel it, the man will feel it and treat you like it.

In my coming up program, I will have subliminal programs (just like I do for the guys) to help retrain the subconscious to automatically perform in the highest sexual value possible. I haven’t made this one for girls yet, but I will and I will send you a copy.

All things being equal (like all the girls have the same looks) the girl that believes she is of high value will tend to act like she has high value and will be treated like it. She may be mysterious, or flirty, outgoing or quit, but one thing will shine in her nonverbal communication at will attract notice of all men – she believes in herself and her sexual value.

I think that attitude and belief is all you need.